Mother's Milk

Sometimes, I drink it straight from the bottle. There, I said it. Even though I absolutely flip my lid when I catch Doug drinking directly from the gallon of milk, when given the opportunity of discreetness, I will save myself the labor of cleaning one more dish, and drink from the juice jug.

Now, my confessional ends, and I can begin my story.....I feel better. Don't you?

In the hopes of feeling more lively and limber, or just no pain while walking up a few stairs, I have been on a regimen of natural and herbal remedies. Most of the stuff I take is in pill form, but I heard about a drink loaded with good stuff, and after reading some of the info I obtained on a google search, I decided to give it a try.

The stuff is called Mona Vie. Don't run....I am not going to try and sell it to you or layer you beneath me on a pyramid scheme. A friend's mom sells it, which kind of makes her like my "mule", doesn't it? (That will up her street cred here in the 'hood.) In my quest to stay off the heavy narcotics, I felt this might be a step in the right direction. It comes in a cute little bottle like this:

I had to take it to my doc's office to get approval before starting to take it. My doctor thought we were having a party when she walked in to find me holding up a boozy looking bottle that I tried to secretly sneak into the office wrapped in a paper bag......which only made it worse.

Anyhow, since starting the stuff, I constantly find myself having to explain why I have a stock of "wine" in my fridge. Most folks are aware that neither myself or Doug are much for alcohol consumption, so when they see a couple of bottles stored around the house, they start to wonder themselves when exactly the party starts.

I treat my Mona Vie in a very medicinal manner. I have a little measuring device like the ones in a hospital, and each day I remove my bottle from the fridge and pour just the right amount (too much can be bad, who new acai berry was so serious?), and take it whilst I consume my other vices. Occasionally, (and again, I stress this is a rare occurrence) I am in a hurry, and I just grab my bottle and guzzle the approximate 4 oz. and head on my way.

Story prepped.....now, the meat for your taters.

Recently, while visiting a friend's house for a group dinner, the kid's were playing near a huge wine rack the family has in their dining room. Fearful of my child using the rack as a step ladder (eek....what a carpet stain that would be), I tried to lure the children to another room.

"Let's go play in the romper room. You are making me nervous around those bottles", I told Kaelan.

"What is that thing?", one of the other children asked.

"I know, " called my all-knowing toddler. "It's a big tower to hold MOMMY'S MEDICINE!"

All the adults stopped their conversations and leaned in for more info.

"Really?", one of my friend's questioned, with a coy smile. "Does mommy need her medicine often?"

"Yep, every day. Sometimes early in the morning AND at night, too. Sometimes she just gets it out of the fridge and drinks it out of the bottle before we jump in the car....."

Gasps and giggles erupted from the grown-ups. Perhaps Sandra did partake of the spirits more than she let on.

I took a deep breathe and started my plea, "Wait! It's for medicinal purposes....really! Let me explain!"