Never Teach Your Child to Read!

****Warning!!!! This post may be offensive to following groups, so please be aware and take caution before reading.*****
*Small Children
*Older children
*All children
*Literacy groups
*Those thinking of learning how to read
*George W. Bush supporters
*Republicans
*Clergy
*Man in the little, blue Chevy with 800+ bumper stickers on his car

The following groups should refrain from reading this post at all:
*Grandparents

There. Now that we have all of that squared away, we can get to the business at hand.

Many of you in my close circle of friends (that sounds so exclusive, doesn't it?)....okay, those of you who I see on a regular basis have probably already heard this story, but I feel very strongly that I need to document this to hold over Kaelan's head someday. I hope I can use it for good and not evil.

While driving to school the other morning, we hit a stop light and found ourselves sitting in one form of that oh so wonderful Austin traffic. Mom drifted off to daydream land and focused on the dog in the back of the truck in front of her while Kaelan used her down time to catch up on some reading via the car next to us.

Suddenly she shook me out of my sunshine slumber and the following conversation ensued:

K: I thought you said his name was George.
Mom: Who? Curious George? It is George.
K: No. George Bush George. I thought you said his name is George. Who is (and here is the part I warned you about) WHO IS F*** BUSH?

Yes. It was THAT word. The mother of all curse words. I know, I was just as stunned as you are.

Mom: (completely stunned) What? What are you talking about?

K: See there on that car? It says F*** Bush. Who is he? Is that President Bush's name in the middle? I thought you said his name was George.

Mom: (Looking over at the car next to us and seeing the wallpaper of bumper stickers, begging my four year old read them aloud) Well.......(don't blow your Mommy of the Year opportunity) Kaelan, his name is George Bush.

K: Then who is F*** Bush? (oh, please stop saying that word)

Mom: (Not wanting to freak out and draw more attention to the word) I am not sure who that is, but looking at all those other bumper stickers, I see that car says a lot of not nice things. Maybe we should not read them or say them out loud.

K: Oh, okay mom. But we should ask Dad if he knows F*** Bush. Maybe he will know who he is. Maybe F*** Bush is George's brother or something. We will ask dad for sure.

Mom: Great idea! You do that when we see him later today.

**So you may disagree with how I handled that little scenario, but what would you have done? I am new to the whole Mother of the Year pageant, so I did my best in the question and answer session......perhaps I blew it. I guess there is always the swimsuit portion.**

And one more little post note.....I think my lack of reaction to the whole situation made our good friend F*** Bush very unremarkable or memorable. She hasn't' brought "him" up since and hopefully, never will again. We just won't talk politics around our house for a while to stay on the safe side.

Mad Scientist

Science Night with Kaelan and Dad.
It can be a scary thing.
This week we had a fairly safe concept: Sink or Float. The upcoming volcanic explosion is sure to be a crowd pleaser.

Thus far, there has not been a Frankenstein brought to life, but it is still early in the year......


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Luck O' the Irish

5 Lucky Things About Our St. Patty's Day

1. Kaelan informed me her nose was clean and that boogers were not approved on the green article of clothing list. Phew...good thing I had that green shirt for back-up.

2. Story Time at the Book Box-30 or so little leprechauns running around jazzed up on shamrock cookies....what is not lucky about that?

3. Green Creme de Menthe Hershey's Kisses-mom should know. She downed half a bag today.

4. Inflatable Jumpers-what luck that we would visit one today with our wee lads and lassies to work off the shamrock cookie high!

5. Knowing that the other half of the Creme de Menthes are sitting downstairs waiting to wish me Top o' the Mornin'!

You know you married the right guy when.....

....the sight of one of these causes temporary loss of brain function.

Yep. It's a door. With a very simple to operate handle. But to the average gal with a prince charming sort of husband, it can be major problem.

Case in point......after spending a week in paradise on vacation with my lovely husband, I returned to the "real world" and a morning of errands around the city picking up various bits of groceries and dry cleaning. While out on my rounds, it became quite clear to me that all the wonderful, sweet, "gentlemanly" things my husband does for me may actually be harmful to my brain. As I approached the post office, I actually stopped and waited for the door to somehow magically open for me. I wasn't even aware I was standing there staring at the door like a lost puppy until an elderly man came up behind me and looked at me with the most puzzling look. He then reached up and opened the door with a look of "It's easy, lady. Just grab the handle and pull."

The truth is, my prince will NOT let me open my own doors when he is around. He is of true southern root, and his Grammy would have slapped him silly should he have done otherwise. If I even reach for a handle, he always tsssks me and sweetly pushes my hand aside. Such a gem. Such a kind, polite little Georgian Prince.

However, I often find myself standing outside my car door staring at it waiting for him to come up from behind and open it, only to realize I am alone in a Kohl's parking lot and the security guard thinks I am eyeing someone's purse for a steal.

12 years of this conditioning has done its damage.

I can open my own doors. Really, I can.

But if you see me standing in front of one with a glazed look in my eye, help me out. It's not my fault.

Blame the Prince.

*No, that door is not the door to a post office (I know you were thinking, "geez where does she get her mail from, a barn?"). It is actually a picture of a door inside the Vatican. I love doors. I love taking pictures of doors. Perhaps my little affliction is why I find them so fascinating......*

See Kaelan Read.

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Forgedaboudit!

We have never even watched a single episode of "Jersey Shore". Ever.
With that said, I found if quite amusing that my daughter told me the lollipop the stylist gave her after her haircut was "wicked good".
She's never been to the east coast, doesn't watch old "Sopranos"episodes, and is not a Soxs fan, so we are clueless.

Nonetheless, we decided to try the infamous Snooki bump or poof or whatever it is called.

Can you spot the real Snooki?

After much consideration on a personal style makeover, Kaelan made a final decision.....

Naaaa.......FORGETABOUDIT!